That day as four boys
who wanted desperately
to be men fell into a
strained silence drowning
out the resounding crunch
of a blue car ramming
into that rusty jeep,
as I smoothed down
my shaking hands with
my tattered nerves,
He said it would be best
if we fished the Def Leppard
tape out of the car stereo
just so it doesn’t seem like
we were careless
- which we weren’t.
I thought that was a good day.
That day as I said out loud that
I loved her, He gave me
a hug, uncharacteristic for
one who is not inclined
to splurges of affection, then
asked me whether I was
serious, as if,
he would disembowel me
otherwise with his quiet
eyes passing
effortlessly for daggers.
I thought that was a good day
That day when I thought
that all was lost after
all that effort, but found
some unaccustomed strength
of character, to put on a brave
face and lean into the punches
taking them all unflinchingly
on my double chin,He found me
- the news was good after all -
I was going places,
more so than I ever dreamt.
I thought that was a good day
That day as I slumped,
fed up with
repetitive tasks on
repetitive days fuelling
repetitive thoughts of failure,
He said something surprisingly
simple and misleadingly
mundane, almost a platitude
that made perfect sense
and lent my soul some
much needed latitude.
I thought that was a good day
That day as I sat in the car,
Loss and Darkness pouring out
in streams leached of colour
much like the world around me,
He muttered an Arabic prayer
for the one I never knew
but needed to fill a soul-shape
in mine, the words made
no more sense than the pain but
the sounds washed away
some of the darkness.
I thought that was a good day.
That day when toddler dreams
got tangled up on a high branch
out of reach of a failing father,
He climbed up above my
futile incompetence, and brought
down that purple dragon
to the waiting
boy with eager eyes open
wider than arms.
I thought that was a good day
That day when He asked me to
shed my excess weight and
baggage, to be a better man,
to run against the grain
of anger and arrogance
and insecurity, quietly insisting
that I find a grain of something
true and beautiful to keep up
with her soft radiance
and her smiles.
I thought that was a good day
This day when at last
I sit down to flip through
these faded freeze-frames,
framed within the borders
of my wayward dreams,
I wonder if these men of
shared history and scared
moments, splattered with
love and heartbreak
and unexpected triumph,
measure up to Her as I
tote up their soul marks
on mine unable to agree a
fair trade price for Him
and Him and Him of course.
I think this is a good day.
