let me pick my neurosis

Him: You look uglier than usual
Me: Thanks for noticing
Him: Sleepless nights, eh?
Me: Can't get over it
Him: Surely others have been here before
Me: As if THAT matters!
Him: You cannot go on thinking about it
Me: I think I lack the capacity to accept it
Him: What's the big deal, it is just another birthday
Me: NO, it is not 'JUST ANOTHER' birthday , thank you very much
Him: Hey, act your age
Me: Very funny
Him: So what is the big deal about 30?
Me: I don't know, but I don't want to be 30
Him: Would you rather die then?
Me: Hmmmm... burn out rather than fade away, eh? No, I would rather be 29 for the rest of my life
Him: Why so?
Me: Because 29 is still related to 21 and 21 was a good time in my life
Him: It usually is in everyone's life
Me: I don't want to let go of my 20s. I am scared that I will suddenly turn all grey and old and wrinkly if I turn 30
Him: But you know you won't
Me: What if I do inside?
Him: You are making this unnecessarily complicated. Just go with the flow
Me: Do I have a choice?
Him: You can choose not to be obsessed
Me: You see, this is something I can't fix and I can't run away from
Him: Surely things in your life do not fall into just those two groups
Me: Umm... they... usually do...
Him: What is it that scares you? That you are nearer to death?
Me: Oh, don't try your psychology crap on me. It is hardly that simple
Him: Well you tell me then
Me: I feel this urge to evaluate, to assess, to score ... my life so far. To see what I have done with the youth I had, to see if I have proven the same old cliche...
Him: Youth is wasted on the young and all that?
Me: Yep
Him: And what have you found? How did you score?
Me: I don't know. I can't seem to score enough
Him: Why? Were you expecting to win a Nobel prize by 30?
Me: That would've been nice...
Him: Does 'delusions of grandeur' ring a bell?
Me: Really, so funny, you should try stand up
Him: You know what I think?
Me: No, but I think I am about to know
Him: I think you are just vain, all you want is someone to say ''you have done well to get to where you are at your age''
Me: Am I that transparent? Surely I have more needs than that
Him: Well, then tell me what is your way out of this?
Me: I don't have a way out, you see. For the first time in my life, I am facing something that I cannot get a grip on. I don't want to be 30, because 30 is the age when you lose your links with your youth, 30 is the age when you just accept that you get on with life and live out the rest of it, 30 is the age when you stop being a son and start being a father, 30 is the age when you have no more excuses for your mistakes, 30 is the age when people no longer see you as young, 30 is the age when you have to choose a different option on drop down menus, 30 is the age when your body starts to tell you that it's getting on, 30 is the age other people get to while you sit comfortably in your 20s, really, it is as if I have lived all my conscious life in my 20s and now I have to move out - no I am being kicked out, for I no longer belong in here where things are still fresh and new and exciting
Him: Well you left out something
Me: What?
Him: Looks like 30 is just the perfect age to have an early midlife crisis
Me: Who said it was early?