A wilful move away from work, just to look at the bigger picture. I am sure this is just a passing state of disillusion. I was talking to a friend yesterday. He is an older, wiser colleague and I had approached him for some advice on improving my candidate appeal. it is so difficult to get the job you desire, actually, of late, it is difficult to get anything at all, but near impossible to get what you want. Anyway, as I was planning to apply for a post that seemed quite attractive, I went to him for advice. He took me through all the various issues that an employer looks for in a candidate, but in the end, he said 'it all boils down to how many boxes you tick and how many sections you can fill on an application form'.
Now, 16 hours later, I feel as if I have been sandbagged. Is this my life then? filling boxes... I suppose it starts from the hospital bassinet and for many people ends with a made to measure box.
There is one box that I have not filled as yet in my life. The box that says prizes and honours. It makes me feel rather like a dull 3 year old when I leave this blank, as if I am on a stage with spotligts burning into my brain and I have to own up to the whole world: 'no, I have never won any prizes, I have not once been honoured in all my life'
In a lightning reflex to protect my ego, explanations jump up and slam against the front of my brain: I never tried, I was too bored, I didn't get the right guidance, I was not in the right place, others had less competition (boy, that's especially pathetic) ... the list goes on.
I guess the fact is, I have never been THAT good.
Even as I wrestle with that obvious explanation, a small voice in my head says 'absence of evidence is not evidence of absence'
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