circling the drain

it is all very grim
there is an all pervading feeling of inevitability

how has it come to this?
- a prescriptive government in denial
- leaders without concern or vision
- a community infused with apathy
- a lack of professional cohesiveness

...the list could go on

I went to an interview last week
the job was desirable, competition was stiff and the future was at stake
somehow, the whole approach reflected that of the current government
- treating people like 12 year olds
There were a lot of things I wanted to say, some of which they asked,
some they skipped and some I would never say in any interview.

maybe this is where I say the latter

how have you demonstrated commitment to your field?
to me working in cardiology is like living with the ideal life partner. I have fallen completely in love with cardiology and I cannot help it. There is nothing else that I can think of doing that will not seem like work. When I work in cardiology, I feel guilty about being paid - after all, they are paying me for doing what I want to do and love to do.
For 20 months I used to drive down from Liverpool to Aylesbury at 3:30 AM on a monday - to get to work by 8:00 AM and then finish the day at 7:00 PM. Never ever did I feel that this was a problem. As I crept down the M6 behind a mud splattering lorry, I was happy that I was driving to a place where I can learn and do some cardiology. In the three and a half years of marriage, my married life has been squeezed into my weekends and at no point did I feel that I could not carry on, for I was working in cardiology.

I have confidence in my enthusiasm for the subject - to the extent that I can make others fall in love with it just like I did.

commitment, can it be measured by experience and knowledge alone? what makes the 'bog-standard' answer describing the clinical and research achievements in the field a better measure of commitment?
To me, commitment comes from the heart, where as knowledge comes from the brain. A commitment at a mere cerebral level is not the same as a heartfelt feeling of desire and love for the subject.

If I were to categorise my reasons for wanting to work in cardiology, I would have to say:
1. cerebral reasons: intellectually engaging, requires lateral thinking, needs quick decision making
2. limbic/hippocampal reasons: love, desire, enthusiasm
3. autonomic reasons: a quickening of pulse, a pounding of heart, a nostril flare, a buzz

there is nothing else that makes me feel this way, which is why I want to do cardiology

Imagine saying that at an interview! I would have to provide complimentary sick bags to the panel!
Moreover, I can never convey my genuine feelings when I say this out loud. Which means the panel will always get the 'bog-standard' answer.

Anyway, coming back to the point - the interview process used to be a fun experience, as it was an opportunity to display the candidate's character and an opportunity for the panel to assess this. Not anymore, now it is a list of blinded, validated, politically correct psychometric analyses which according to 'experts' is the best way of assessing a person's capabilities.

I want to grab hold of the bright spark who thought this up, give him/her a good shake and say:
'snap out of it you idiot! if you want someone who just does a job,you will get that someone and the same someone will just roll over and die when you bring in the next reform which will be the death blow to the field.
However if you want someone for whom this is not just a job, but a vocation, a spiritual calling, someone who will stand his ground and guard the field he loves, someone who will inspire future generations to love the field, someone who is not just a worker bee, you are making a very big mistake'

Then I stop myself, for I realise why they want this new method of selection. Yes, the same reasons I said are their reasons, they know exactly why this is the best way forward. They want to clone sheep!

like I said, it is all circling the drain